Saturday, July 24, 2004

Wound Up, Yet Exhausted

Oddly, I feel simultaneously wound up, melancholic, and exhausted. Since I returned from packing up my parents’ house, I have had the hardest time getting back into dissertation mode. When I think about it, it makes a lot of sense. For the entire summer, I have spent 5+ days a week in the library 5+ hours a day. I’ve been working like a trooper, or at least as much like a trooper as is possible for an ADD lady like myself. But I have really worked at maximum capacity.

Then, the house-packing was this MARATHON, Herculean task. When I returned back home, I was beyond tired, AND I was completely in packing mode. I look around my apartment, and I see what isn’t packed and what needs to be packed. Granted, I still have a month to go, but moving is on the brain!

My friend Rebecca just moved away a few weeks ago. My friend Veronica just moved from one location to another, and I was hearing about that, too. And today, my friend Aaron is moving! In a couple of weeks, Scott and Michelle are moving! It’s everywhere! And the more I look around, the more I realize that there is an amazingly daunting task in front of me. Plus, I’m just getting REALLY burned out on Ye Ole Diss. I mean, how much can one person take?

I decided that there are two priorities in my life right now: the dissertation and packing. I’ve worked my ass off on the dissertation all summer. If the energy I have is more the packing kind of energy, well then I’ll just do that until I wear out, then I’ll go back to the dissertation. I know I’ll get them both done. I always do. I just wish I weren’t so tired.

I can’t stop moving from task to task, and I’m all wound up, then when I finally lie down to catch my breath, I fall asleep instantly. It’s not good, but it’s temporary. I won’t be this overworked forever. I mean, I’m about to go on internship, but I think that will be different. I work best when I have lots of discrete responsibilities and structure. Having these big mammoth tasks just wears me down. Ugh!

Maybe I'll just sit here and play subservient chicken. That'll cheer me up!